The dangers of getting to meet the person you know you’d fall in love with is a nasty case for any guy with a big ego out there.

You don’t usually chase people around and when you get to finally meet her, you’ll be the one doing the chasing and guess what, you’ll have to do it anyway even though you hate doing so.

You hate waiting for text messages. All the time, you’re the one receiving messages but try not receiving a reply for 15 minutes and you won’t know why you’re being impatient about it and you just hate yourself for not knowing the reason why.

You hate apologizing. Apologizing is a form of lowering your ego and you don’t usually do that not unless the situation requires you to do so but saying sorry at small things you do or say to her will be a bit frequent, trust me on this.

You hate doing the first move. You’re as lazy yet as regal as a lion. You hate going around but you’d rather enjoy a day in front of the TV or PC getting compliments or hours of useless-yet-quality time. But when it comes to her, consider yourself a part-time servant. Because you just have to be there when she starts to ask for something. Why do you even punish yourself like this?

I guess it really has a big difference between being your regular self and being your unconsciously enslaved self when you’re in love. At least that’s how I see things for my case. My case because I’m the lazy lion here. What am I even doing with my life? I feel so dysfunctional these days. Help me.

Maybe a long night’s walk won’t distract us of what we have as we take steps towards the lightpost we call fate. Our hands bumping into each other as if they’re begging to clasp together. The tension builds as we take peripheral glances of each other not knowing of what might happen until the walk stops. Yes. Maybe I do like you this much. This long walk. This uncertainty that I’m always so worried about. Are you the girl the world has dictated to be my center? I am fighting back, you see, but even my soul can’t remove the fact that I like you. I am nothing. Nothing until you give me a sign that you would at least acknowledge me as a boy admiring a woman. Should I give up? Please let me know. But somehow. Even if you can’t tell me what I want to know. I’ll muster up all the courage I can to finally tell you how much you keep me awake at night; how you make me smile during random times of the day; how you make me flush red when I think of your smile. The possibilities are favoring me yet I’m fighting back. Am I this weak to tell you I like you? Please…

What if we never lived a reality like the one we are living right now? What if we had strings attached to each other so that it’d be easier to find each other as dictated by this new reality? What if things were never complicated for us to meet? What if there’s no need for you to give out signals and  for me to make a move on you? Would it still be romantic? But most of all, would it make sense in the first place?

I’m thinking of getting myself in a relationship. I’m a bit confident now but looking at how other people suffer in relationships makes me think otherwise. Will having a relationship be good for me? I am impatient and impulsive and I think that’s a dangerous combination of being the dominant person in a relationship.

Why are some people suffering in a relationship? Why can’t they just let it go that easily? What’s so valuable in a relationship that won’t work in the long run anyway? I suppose they would consider it a waste, all those months of maintaining the relationship, all those times giving way just for the other half, all those times having the tingly feeling of being in love and falling in love all over again.

Why consider them when, in fact, it’s not like that anymore. Now is just a place full of heavy rains and thunderstorms. Frustrations and disappointments come after the bright side of that feeling. I wanna know why it is worth keeping rather than trashing it for one to be better.