The initial interview was a total douche-killer. I don’t even know why they had the heads do the panel interview for an initial interview. I still can’t get over the fact that it went well even though I still have doubts about some useless response I made. And I can’t possibly underestimate the other guys who applied for the same job. I have to win the second interview.

But first, I need the magic confirmation for the second interview. So help me God!

I’ve had days where I just go ballistic over my impulsiveness and send the wrong text messages to my dad. Maybe I’m angry at him that much to misunderstand his true intentions but that doesn’t mean I stopped caring about him. He’s my dad no matter what. After exchanging bad messages with him, I told mom what I sent him and she told me that no matter how disappointing my dad is, I should see the bigger picture and see him doing his best. Not because he’s human but because he’s a striving dad and we should be sorry for letting him do what he’s doing right now.

I’m being punished again. I feel like I should apologize and that I will do when he arrives. I can’t seem to put my head to rest. I’m sorry, dad.

Having the time of my life sleeping late, oversleeping and waking up feeling hungover though I’m really not. I even took a shower and the water felt dry and it’s awkward because my taste buds are dysfunctional and coffee tasted like dirt. Sighs.

The dangers of getting to meet the person you know you’d fall in love with is a nasty case for any guy with a big ego out there.

You don’t usually chase people around and when you get to finally meet her, you’ll be the one doing the chasing and guess what, you’ll have to do it anyway even though you hate doing so.

You hate waiting for text messages. All the time, you’re the one receiving messages but try not receiving a reply for 15 minutes and you won’t know why you’re being impatient about it and you just hate yourself for not knowing the reason why.

You hate apologizing. Apologizing is a form of lowering your ego and you don’t usually do that not unless the situation requires you to do so but saying sorry at small things you do or say to her will be a bit frequent, trust me on this.

You hate doing the first move. You’re as lazy yet as regal as a lion. You hate going around but you’d rather enjoy a day in front of the TV or PC getting compliments or hours of useless-yet-quality time. But when it comes to her, consider yourself a part-time servant. Because you just have to be there when she starts to ask for something. Why do you even punish yourself like this?

I guess it really has a big difference between being your regular self and being your unconsciously enslaved self when you’re in love. At least that’s how I see things for my case. My case because I’m the lazy lion here. What am I even doing with my life? I feel so dysfunctional these days. Help me.

Is this some kind of punishment? I guess this is what I get for declining a job offer after passing the interview and the exam. Now I’m still waiting for calls and I’m clearly broke right now. My parents won’t even give me a few bucks for a cup of good coffee. Lemons. Sighs.